We’d all rather not think about our own mortality, but when it comes to our parents or other older loved ones, the topic can be even more daunting, it’s a bit of a minefield emotionally, and it’s easy to put off having the conversation.

But putting it off can come at a cost.

When Lindsay got ill, his family’s focus was rightly on supporting him through treatment, trying to keep his spirits up, and making him as comfortable as possible. As a private person, Lindsay rarely shared personal stuff with even those closest to him, unlike a lot of his generation he was tight-lipped about things that mattered to him.

After he passed away, the family found themselves faced with an unexpected and distressing question: would Lindsay have wanted to be cremated or buried? The problem was, no one had a clue. At an already incredibly emotional time, the uncertainty ended up causing all sorts of disagreement and tension, the last thing a family needs when they’re grieving.

Why These Conversations Matter

As parents, we often take pride in having open conversations with our kids about tricky topics – drugs, relationships, mental health. But when our own parents start to get on in years, we tend to shy away from discussing the stuff that really matters – medical wishes, Wills, finances. It’s often not until a crisis comes along and forces us to talk about it that these conversations actually happen.

A valid Will has got to be in writing, signed and dated in front of at least two grown-ups who are over 18.

Unfortunately, all too often it’s too late by the time we get around to it.

Once Lindsay’s funeral was over, the questions just kept coming back. Did he have a Will? To be honest, it’s the only way you can make sure that when you die, your estate is split up according to your wishes. Was there any insurance in place? If you die without making a Will, your assets get distributed according to the rules of intestacy set out in the legislation – and dying without a Will is known as dying intestate. What assets or investments had Lindsay got? Where were all the documents? Trying to untangle his financial life was an absolute nightmare and really stressful. A Will is a legal document saying what you want to happen to your assets when you die, and everyone over 18 should have one. A beneficiary is someone or some organisation you mention in your Will who is going to get a gift or benefit from your estate – and being clear about who they are can help make sure your assets end up with the right person. You should look at your Will every 2 to 3 years or after a major life event, and it’s really important to have an up to date one. If you don’t have a Will, your assets may end up with someone you didn’t want to benefit from them. Having a good estate plan in place will make sure that your wishes are followed after you die.

It’s all stuff that could have been sorted out with one conversation.

What financial objectives should you talk to your parents about?

If you’re unsure where to start with this, think about the things you’d rather avoid talking about – they’re usually the things that are most important.

Before you sit down with your parents, take some time to think about covering:

• Financials: bank accounts, investments, what they own, what they owe, insurance policies
• Will:
  • Has it been updated?
  • Where is it kept?
  • Who has been appointed as the executor?
  • Who are the beneficiaries?
  • Are there any specific gifts or family trusts that need to be included?
  • Is your partner or business interests mentioned in the Will?
  • Is the Will valid and up to date according to the laws of your country?
  • Have you considered getting some legal advice to make sure your Will is written properly and isn’t going to be invalid?
  • Have you reviewed your Will after major events in your life, such as getting married or having a change in your business ownership?
• Medical stuff: what medications he’s on, enduring power of attorney
• Funeral preferences: burial or cremation, what he wanted
• Aged care plans: what they want to happen with the family home, what care they might need in the future
• Important documents: where they are
  • Make sure you store your Will safely – lots of online Will services offer free storage for completed Wills.
• Digital passwords: for key online accounts
• Key contacts: GP, financial adviser, solicitor, trustee, executor, power of attorney
  • Keep a list of your solicitor’s contact details or the website where your Will was prepared.

Online Will services make it easy to create a Will from the comfort of your own home, using an online form that is legally valid. These services often give you some guidance, help reduce the risk of invalidity, and can be completed in no time – often in less than half an hour. They can also give you access to legal expertise and support if you have a more complex situation. If there’s a dispute over the Will or it’s found to be invalid, the court may need to get involved to sort out who gets what.

Importance of enduring guardianship

Enduring guardianship is a vital part of any effective future planning, but all too often it gets left out of the conversation around estate and financial goals. By choosing a trusted person to make important decisions on your behalf if you’re unable to do so yourself, you can rest assured that your wishes will be respected no matter what happens. And in Australia, while the specific laws about enduring guardianship do vary from state to state, the core idea is the same.

Having a valid enduring guardianship document in place gives you and your family peace of mind, because you know that if the day comes when you can’t act for yourself, someone you trust will be there to look out for you and oversee your care and wellbeing – exactly as you want. This can be especially important if you have strong feelings about your medical treatment, or how you want to be cared for in the future. And it also helps to cut down on potential stress and arguments among family members, because everyone’s on the same page and knows what the rules are.

It’s worth noting that enduring guardianship is different from power of attorney. While power of attorney lets someone else handle your financial affairs – like getting into your bank accounts, dealing with investments or property – an enduring guardian is more focused on your health and wellbeing. You can, of course, appoint the same person to do both or choose different people depending on who you think is best equipped to do each job.

So how do you go about setting up an enduring guardianship? You’ll need to fill out a formal document that outlines your wishes and names your chosen guardian. This has to be signed and witnessed in accordance with the laws in your state or territory – so get some advice from a financial planner or industry expert to make sure you do it the right way.

It’s also a good idea to have a chat with your family about your plans, so they know what to expect and can support you. And then of course there’s the issue of estate, superannuation and taxes. If you have a self-managed super fund, for example, your guardian may need to work with your attorney to make sure everything runs smoothly.

In the end, enduring guardianship is all about looking after the things that matter most to you, like your autonomy and your relationships. By taking the time to get your affairs in order and get some expert advice, you can lock in your future and give your loved ones the confidence to act in your best interests.

How to tackle the retirement planning conversation

When it comes to these kinds of conversations, people often find it a bit tricky to know how to start.

Start the conversation with some care

Raise the issue gently. You might find it helpful to involve a trusted third party, like a financial adviser, accountant or executor. These people can give you the guidance you need to get through this conversation smoothly.

Make it clear you value their input

Give your loved one space to express their feelings and wishes. Frame the discussion as a chance to make life simpler and more manageable, not as a way of taking control.

Use some real-life examples

Sometimes it helps to look at how other families have handled similar issues. Explain that you’re not trying to add to their stress, but actually to avoid it, and that getting things sorted now can bring a lot of peace of mind.

Make it clear this is about freedom, not confinement

Make sure your loved one knows this isn’t about losing their independence, it’s about protecting it. You want them to stay in control for as long as possible.

Listen, and don’t be judgmental

As your loved one opens up, listen carefully. Ask questions so you understand their choices, and can honour them when the time comes.

After the conversation, stick to your word and get the right documents in place. Confirm the details are all correct, and keep the lines of communication open.

And then… do it all again, but this time with your children, in reverse, to make sure you have a valid will

You think you’re done, and yet… there’s still another conversation to have.

Get it over with and have the same chat with your kids. Be clear and direct about what you want, and why. They won’t love it, they’ll probably think you’re overreacting. They won’t thank you, at least not right now.

But one day they will.

Because in the end, they’ll understand you’ve given them something incredibly valuable: clarity, certainty, and the gift of avoiding a whole lot of unnecessary heartache.

And when that day comes and it will – they’ll thank you for it.

Get in touch to see how we can help get your financials in order.